My boyfriend is an elf.

On the plus side he's right up there on the Richter scale for looks and he's got these cute little pointed ears that are incredibly sensitive to touch. Like most elves, he likes to wear his hair long. It's sinfully black and every single strand sits perfectly. I know that sounds great and it is when I'm running my hands through it but it's bloody annoying in the bathroom.

Just imagine it. My side of the mirror is plastered with every hair product known to mankind and a few lousy spells that a certain money-pinching wizard gave me for Christmas. And Elton's side is empty save for a comb. One single ivory comb. It's not fair.

He makes me feel inadequate.

I don't need to mention makeup or moisturisers do I? I'm sure anyone with half a brain would realise that he doesn't need any of those either. Every time the drain gets clogged up with hair, he rolls those blue eyes of his and leaves the bills from the plumber on my purse.

The question is. Do I really want to bond with such a perfect creature for all eternity? Eternity is a long time although I suppose there is hope that one day someone in the Human world will design a drain that cannot block.

My decision would be so much easier if he weren't so good in bed. Just have to worry about how he got so good.